Mommy Brain

Kits, Kats, Sacks and Wives

2010-06-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

I have two cats. One, named Bijoux, is evil and the other, named Snowy, is an innocent sweetie that will spontaneously fall off the back of the couch for no reason and can't seem to find a treat if it ricocheted off her nose. (of course Bijoux will have already gobbled it up for her). Bijoux and Snowy live in a 900sq ft house that we all hate in the winter because then it becomes a 500 sq ft house. Bijoux hates it. She hates her life. She hates me. I feel like I am the mom of a kid, a baby, a teenager (Bijoux) and Jan Brady, because Snowy always ends up getting the least attention since she is sweet and has the fewest needs. Before I had kids, I was such a cat person. I adored and identified with cats. When I got married, my husband & I got a cat after 1 year of bliss and felt that it was somewhat of a test to find out how we would be with kids. yeah. that is the same thing. Being a 'parent' of a cat IS actually a good gauge as to how you will do with, say, a teenage neighbor. that hates you. I remember when we got Bijoux how we promised the humane society that we would keep her indoors so that their life expectancy would be full and she would not be left to the dangers lurking outside. There is no question that Snowy would have to remain inside - the little white stupid (but sweet) cat that she is. If she stepped one paw out that door, a dingo would gallop by and scoop her up as a tasty snack. I fully believe this. Snowy happily spends her life as a terrarium pet (always looking out the windows and enjoys being looked back at by passing people, animals and birds.) Bijoux, on the other hand, has always wanted to go outside and tries to at every opportunity. Now, I am left wondering: would Bijoux's life be better if I let her outside? Or would I be stuck with guilt for exposing her to danger that she was no match for. I glance down at my imaginary wrist watch wondering, 'how long to cats live again??' Here's the thing. Bijoux and Snowy were my babies...before I had babies. It sounds jerky and I never thought it would happen, but it did. Before kids, I would let them sleep in our bed - on my head or wherever they wanted to - shedding hair everywhere - EVEN THOUGH I have asthma and am directly allergic to cats. I joyfully took my inhaler because I loved them so much. If we ever closed the door, Bijoux would go ape-shit and freak out, pawing and hurling her body at the door until we let her in. It's a wonder we were able to have kids. Once we became sleep-deprived parents however, the cats had to suck it up and find a normal place to sleep because I just didn't have the energy to stay up an extra hour with an asthma attack. Hey, we all had to make abrupt changes that we didn't want to. Like no sleep. Plus, having them surround my head like a furry turban all night was a ridiculous arrangement to begin with. I know, it's not fair. Once I had kids, my cats (Bijoux in particular) seemed to become one giant ass hole surrounded by shedding fur, which grazes by your kiddos every 15 minutes. Just yesterday I caught Bijoux teaching my littlest one about cat anatomy. Thanks, ho. Turns out Purelle does not hurt a baby's skin on their hands though, thank God. Also using 1,000 baby wipes.
Here is what I hate about my evil cat:
1.) As soon as you sit down with a glass of water, she comes from wherever she is in the house to greedily lap it up when you are looking the other way. then I always know because the water smells egg-y. wtf? gross.
2.) If anyone comes over that has cat allergies, she instinctively finds them and proceeds to make love to them, their clothing, etc. jerk.
3.) If I try to exit or enter my house, Bijoux will trip me in an effort to escape outside. When I'm carrying the baby carrier. Then she eats grass out there, which she throws up later. Thanks, again. Because I needed another job to do around this house. I guess that will have to take away from the time I would have spent feeding you.
4.) My kids get to see me yelling at a cat. I look like an asshole, which I was NOT, before tried having a kid with cats. Now I am a jerk because I do not have time to put up with bs.
There is more, but I know, I just sound like a jerk. Why do I keep this cat? Because I am caught between my frustration at struggling to keep up some semblance of the obsessive love I had before kids and the lesson I would be teaching my daughters if we gave away 'family' just because they were so frustrating. I don't know the answer, but sometimes I think if I just let Bijoux outside, she would have a happier life. I hate yelling, when she's pawing at the front door (like I'm going to just let her out.) "No. You can NEVER go outside! Do you want to be miserable and safe or unsafe and happy??" The answer is always obvious. Speaking of obvious, the issue here is control - over keeping my family safe and struggling with it internally as well as all the external factors. My original plan actually worked: it was obvious what kind of parent I would be based on how I 'raised' my cats, but I just couldn't see it. I obsessively love my kids and am wacky about keeping them safe and following every rule of parenting to do so. Unlike my cats though, when I had baby #2, my fear that my baby #1 would be love-demoted somehow absolutely did NOT come true. Turns out that kids are quite different than cats. However, I do love my cats, even though this whole post sounds to the contrary. I take my promise to the humane society so seriously and followed every rule they had for me, but now that the cats are crowded out by these two kids and they are so 'over' their grumpy, irate owner, maybe it is time to let them explore outside...spread their furry little cat wings, eat some grass, maybe a mouse, and then come home and barf it all up for me in thanks.
P.S. In all other aspects of my life, I am not usually this much of a douchebag - just with my cats, I become some kind of intolerant 80's movie principal that is deserving of a de-pantsing in front of the whole school.

One, Two, Three...KICK!

2010-05-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

I watched Clara kicking her soccer ball and noticed that she did it with flair. She was 'hammering it' with a little bit of Bob Fossee style. That pretty much sums up our little hybrid of Jim & I. Jim, whose family was always into sports...while I rejected sports completely in favor of dance for my movement & teamwork excercise. Not rejected it, sports rejected me. My horror stories of PE are all traumitizing events. I didn't just get picked last for the team, the teacher had a separate class for me and 4 other kids who were separated out into the 'dumb class' of PE. The teacher would take 5 minutes of that class period to pitch us a few balls that we would lamely bat at, holding the instrument like it was weighted with 50 pounds at the end, wrists snapped backward and squealing that this was 'haaaaaarrrrd!!' and the rest of the period was spent making OCD daisy chains in the outfield-foul zone. Then at the end of the year, the teacher let us sit out the final year's softball game against the other team, so I organized a cheerleading team with the other girls that were in the 'dumb class'. We bought pompoms, practiced our cheers at recess, and made a huge banner for our team that said 'Go Vultures!!' (the name we gave our team). We started our cheers with over-practiced, yet suddenly shy choreography (by me) and our OWN team booed us! Another year, I got socked in the stomach by a boy with a volley ball because I played the game so badly. I've gotten hit in the face by every ball you can play with - sometimes on purpose and sometimes on accident - I feared all sports. Too much yelling stressed me out. As soon as people said, "GET THE BALL!!" I'd freeze & play the game like Dick Van Dyke. In dance, none of this existed. You had all the excercise, even teamwork in some cases, but it was all beautiful with a sweaty, pained backstage, hidden except in Kander & Ebb musicals (All that Jazz & Chorus Line for those of you not musical geeks). What does all this have to do with being a parent & childrearing? Clara is at her first soccer lesson and I wonder - is she going to take after her sports-tarded mom or is she going to succeed and be "normal". All the girls into sports seemed to have an easy way with each other & life. Me & my friends all had interesting psychological problems that would torture us through our adolescence and we would dance out our feelings/instability on the stage with jazz hands, thick lycra & blush. I want normalcy for Clara. I still want her to embrace dance (she already does - what 3 year old doesn't embrace wearing outlandish tutus and super-loud shoes, tapping everywhere?), but I also want her to feel comfortable with coaches, teammates. and (gasp, holding hands in front of my face) sports equipment. Her daddy helped her pick out shin guards and a new soccer ball (she has 4 already, but they're the wrong size, he scoffed. whatever - he doesn't tell me what kind of tutu to buy...) and has taught her how to 'dribble' it. Isn't that just in Basketball? I don't know - I got hit in the face with an asphault-powdered basketball too many times to have been interested in the finer points of the game. Anyway, he taught her how to do dribble and she was dribbling like a pro when all the other 3 year olds were 'warming up' (or keeping out of trouble, showing off their first day outfits, etc. while the coaches set up the boundary cones.) The coach had them each gather 'round and sit on their soccer ball. One little kid was cowered in the corner, hood up around his head and when the coach gently asked him what was wrong, the hood slipped back to reveal that he was sobbing. He ran to his mom & dad. "See that kid?" I said to my husband, "That was me!" Jim grimaced and we both turned to see how clara was doing. She kicked her ball over to the group and then floated down on it like a little princess. Then the coach asked them what the first rule of soccer was. Clara's hand shot up. Hmmm, her confidence was promising, but when the coach called on her to answer his rhetorical question, she was quiet. "The first rule of soccer is to have fun!", oh. news to me. "Now what's the second rule of soccer?" everyone was quiet, waiting for Soccer-yoda-coach to enlighten them with the kernels of their sports upbringing. "You don't use your hands!" he said. Clara's hand shot up and the coach, surprised again by her unexpected participation, called on her. "You can use your hands if you're the goalie!" she said. OK. she's a genius and she has enough of her dad's genes in her that she will never be a cowering sports-wuss like her mommy. She will be a soccer diva. with Fossee flair.

Latch This!

2010-04-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

...So, we've added a new baby to the mix. Her name is Charlotte, she is a pretty happy easygoing baby...until she isn't. I remember saying that the thing I was looking forward to most about having another baby was breastfeeding again. The little happy sounds of slurping and knowing that they were being well fed by your own two sources of happines.

I forgot how hard it was starting out.

At the hospital, after starting out on our nursing oddesy (it is new, as many of you know, with each baby - each one has to learn how to do it & it takes two of you), I noted to myself that this was getting rather painful after the second day, so I bought 'soothies' which are little gel disks that you can put on sore nipples to 'soothe' them. In hindsight, I could have totally saved money & bought a pack of baloney, but that would be too silence of the lambs to wear, so I'm glad I ponied up for the $6 pack of Soothies. By the 4th day, my nipples were so sore that if Charlotte accidentally brushed her hand or cheek up against them, I would pull back in agony. They were so sore that the soothies were a joke and to top it off, every time I fed Charlotte, her tummy would get all gassy and she would scream in pain. Great. My wellspring of nutritious goodness is hurting my baby. It was torture to hear. Though I have always been a big fan of breastfeeding (like, I BF Clara for 17 months), I seriously almost gave up. And it had only been a week. The ONLY thing that kept me going was this: I have 2 daughters. If I only breastfed one for a week, the other would always tell her "Well, Mom loves me better because she BF'ed me for 17 months!! I guess she doesn't love you!!" I know this. I am an oldest sister of 2 girls and older sisters are a bit evil.

Needing some help and advice, I went to the lactation specialist at our post-baby appointment, baby Charlotte, Clara and my husband in tow. The only problem was that I would have to nurse Charlotte, and nursing was by that point like asking me to cut my nipples open and then pour lemon juice all over them. I voiced my concerns to the lactation specialist, who was maybe a little younger than my mom. She used the oportunity to educate me (I already KNOW this!! Do you not see that I have another child in the room??) on the latching-on process. Aparently though, it is a 35 step process and you need a special pillow and chair. All I needed was a "you can do this" from her, but she had to bluster on for 20 minutes about how wrong my method was(do it as gently as possible and avoid as much pain as you can) and her method was right, breastfeeding is great and bla bla bla, stuff I already knew. She was the most unsympathetic lady EVER!! (blogger's note: NOT all lactation specialists are like this - I have seen good LS's there and I would go back if need be, but aparently I got the BF unsympathetic bitch version of the usual). Anyway, thankfully Clara had a peepee accident on her carpeted floor of the exam room and the appointment was over.

Lactation Specialist from hell, here are some of the real-life scenarios where Moms REALLY breastfeed. We can't always get to a comfy chair with Laura Ashley pillows and fluff our perm and sit back for a lovely little time with baby. Here is the reality:
* Latching on when trying to figure out how the hell to use the remote control to turn on the TV/DVD player/Cable for our older sibling so that she will stop crying that you don't spend enough time with her...caniwatchamovie now (they learn how to guilt trip early!)

* Latching on when running around the pediatrician's office trying to take your 3-year-old to the bathroom in the middle of the baby's appointment (flashing 'baby weight' to all in the waiting room...great.)
* Latching on in the car (not driving of course), pulled over by the side of the road and letting your 3 year old play with the radio dials in the front seat so that she has something to do (she doesn't want to do anything in her 'to do' bag of course)
* Latching on subtly in Starbucks because you're in a chair surrounded by old people, who are glaring at you.
* Latching on while sitting on the couch - you have lost your Boppy - propped with random pillows and trying to catch 15 minutes of the Today Show before your 3 year old wakes up
* Latching on in a restaurant booth (the tables are always TOO close) and trying to eat your dinner/lunch because you know that otherwise, a meal is not gonna happen.
* Latching on while your baby is in a sling and you are in the meat department trying to get chicken for dinner without poisioning your nursing baby with Salmonilla (not sure how that is transmitted, so I treat all raw chicken like Anthrax until it's cooked).

So you see lady?? In real life, you don't always have a "My Breast Friend" pillow. (Can you think of a better name than that tawdry little pun? It's embarrasing to say!)

Here are my latch-on methods that don't neccisarily work, but have been useful nevertheless

* Firehose method: I'm so engorged that the baby just tries to catch the milk in the air while I squirt milk at her wildly, like those sprinkler toys in the 80's that had water coming out of those wildly whipping little skinny hoses...Remember getting slapped by them? memories...but I digress...)
* Sippee Straw: Extremely painful, but baby latches on at the very tip and tries to get milk that way. Only works if you're very engorged as well.
* Motorboat: It didn't work in Jr. high and it doesn't work now (but for different reasons...) Baby gets to the nipple, opens mouth and wildly whips head from side to side without ever latching on.
* Beef Jerky: Baby latches on and then yanks your nipple around like a dog with a piece of beef jerkey. I don't know why this happens - no one ends up happy.

OK, so the above methods are terrible. Thankfully though, after about a month and a half, Charlotte and I developed a system that actually works - and now we can nurse and use the remote control or guide Clara to the bathroom with ease. There. I was smart enough to figure it out. All I needed was a little encouragement, which thankfully I got from my friends and family. I guess they were all the REAL lactation specialists. Thanks!

The Myth of "Bouncing Back"

2009-09-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading a pregnancy magazine article of women's stories of their "first time" with their partner after baby is born. "Some were more eager than others!" it cheekily touts. As a woman pregnant for the second time & already having gone through a "first time", I read the article with my own experience in mind and thinking about what was really being said to any pregnant-for-the-first-timers or their partners that are curious about what to expect.

My first issue with the usual take on advice about this topic is that women are polarized into two groups: Vaginal birth = hurts at first, but I'm a good wife, so I did it, C-Section = No problems at all - we did it after 3 days & now we're like bunnies (yes, I'm taking a little liberty here & adding bias).

I don't doubt that these two individual generalized experiences may be the genuine representation of some, but they are a microcosm of the varied experiences out there, which are as unique as there are couples.

Also, just because you had a c-section doesn't mean that you escape changes "down there" that affect your sexual relationship.

The biggest change, however, is not "this hurt/this didn't hurt". The biggest change is that you have a baby in your life, completely dependant on you and crying for you - possible right before/right after/or right during sex with your partner! Which do you think is harder to get used to?

The biggest change is that you can't just hop into the sack with your partner whenever you want to. You may need extra time beforehand to re-focus and remind yourself that you're a woman too after being a mom all day because you've spent the day swimming in a sea of spit up, lullabies, people sucking on your breast for nourishment and now your partner wants a crack at your exhausted boob.

There are so many articles about how long it takes to "bounce back" after baby and the thing no one says is that you never "bounce back"! Your boobs will be longer. You will be heavier. You will be more anxious. You may feel guilty when you're enjoying yourself & leaving your baby unattended (albeit asleep in it's crib) for the first time in 3 months. You will be more tired. You will have more issues to iron out with your spouse. In short, you WILL be different from back when you spent the evening watching law & order with your spouse & then hopping in the sack or sharing a pint of ice cream & just thinking about how much you love each other. However, now your life has been touched by the fire of a child. They are crazy lunatics that throw an A-bomb into your marriage to shake it up & re-form it into something more complex. You though you guys were great at communication before, but now it's like you're on the warfront - you have to listen to each other through the crying jags of your little one that make you think they might be dying. Through the differences in parenting you never thought you had. Through the lack of "couple time" and feeling like you're leading two different lives. A baby forces you to re-evaluate & clean up all those issues that were no big deal before. The thing is, once you've made it through that, you can handle almost anything together.

Besides your marriage broadening & deepening after you've made it through the trenches of the 4th trimester, having a baby also broadens & deepens your own identity. Before you may have thought that you had a firm grasp on who "you" are. When a baby comes into your life, you change. You inevitably do, or else perhaps you did not have a firm grasp on your identity to begin with. Everything you are has to do with your baby in some way. I know that may sound to you like "sheesh! she sure doesn't have her 'mom-life' balance in check", but guess what - you won't. You can't. Sure, you can carve out some "you" time or some "us" time, but it will NEVER be easy. You will feel like a marathon runner at the end of the race by the time your date with your husband or your girl's night is set up & you're on your way. Sometimes, just as you're ready to take your first sip of Chardonnay, your cell phone will ring & the call will start out, "Ummm...she's OK, but.... " (insert story of black eye, uncontrollable crying, don't know where anything is even though they should, etc.) or you won't get a call and you'll be wondering the whole time what the spouse/babysitter/family member is trying to "tough out" without calling.

My point is that babies are a hot item these days. Everyone loves the outfits, the glam gear, the idea of being a mommy, etc. and when you have a baby you can feel like everyone is counting down to the day that you "bounce back". The thing that they - society, media, friends, in-laws, whatever - don't understand is that you never "bounce back" - you evolve.

~ Written by a mom who has evolved into 10 extra pounds, long boobs from 17 months of breast feeding, a fire for mom's, kids' & family rights, more politically active than ever before, outspoken about public breastfeeding, always questioning whether she is a good enough mom for her child, who is a pure bright light of hope in this crazy universe and who is totally in love with her husband, who has served in the trenches with her, fending off the A-bomb for 3 years.

Yes, Ma'am!

2009-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when we were all kids and it was common not to know that your parents' friends had first names? They were always 'Mr. Martin' or 'Mrs. Davis'. I always imagined that I would teach Clara to address people as Miss, Mrs. or Mr. (or Ms.) one day. However, Clara is definitely able to carry a conversation now (albeit mostly around Disney Princesses or bunny rabbits), yet she NEVER uses any surnames for anyone because we have never introduced her to or insisted that she call anyone by that type of address. Grandma & Grandpa already have their 'titles', Aunties & Uncles are called 'Auntie Darci', etc. & some friends, by default of our own adoration of them are occasionally also called Auntie or Uncle as well, but all the rest of the adults that Clara knows - our friends - are called by their first names and that is what Clara calls them as well. In fact, our parents' friends are also called by their first name (the generation that we used to call Mr. & Mrs.). Teachers are called "Teacher Gina" or "Miss Allison" (first name). I think this is a pretty common social evolution today. Have we all gotten too casual? Will adults still hold the same air of respect and a little mystery that they did when I was little? Am I sending a message that Clara an adult 'equal'? But really, who would we start calling Mr. & Mrs? I don't think any of my friends want to feel like a woman in a polyester sheath dress with matching paint-peeled "pearl" necklace, low heels and cheap scratchy nylons that are a little too dark. From my childhood, all the Mrs.'s wore holiday-thematic necklaces or sweatshirts, high pants that over-emphasized their abdomens and a mysterious affection for knee-highs and trouser socks. All the Mr.'s I knew wore button-up short sleeved thin gague shirts that showed off what kind of undershirt they wore (tank or short-sleeve) and those big eyeglasses with the eyebrow bridge. And they all smelled of Sears' polyester pants, worn for a second day before washing. None of these people describe my friends or people I know. We are all cool! right?? Oh - I forgot to mention the ever-present fanny packs on both sexes. Seriously. Plus, I have too many non-mr. & mrs. memories of fun times with our friends! Would Mr. Martin or Mrs. Davis from my parent's 'era' fly to Las Vegas to get drunk at a club wearing tiaras (the women), and holding up mom as she gouged her knee inexplicably on some broken glass, get taken to the VIP lounge & the whole group getting fed chocolate strawberries & soufle, free drinks & a candle (don't ask about the "eating a candle" story) so they wouldn't sue the club? OK - my parents did have one friend like this that they would totally cut loose with and we did call her by her first name. So maybe it is a sign of respect.

Signs That Sometimes Mean You are Preggers, but You Aren't

2009-05-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Signs That Sometimes Mean You are Preggers, but You Aren't

Preggers Sign: Irritability

Really means: PMS (or possibly that you're a B-word)

Preggers sign: Weight Gain
Really means: It's not just 'baby weight' anymore.

Preggers sign: Your boobs are getting bigger
Really means: Weight gain

Preggers Sign: Your boobs are extra sensitive (not in a good way)
Really means: PMS

Preggers Sign: Forgetfulness & spaciness
Really means: You're getting dumber

Preggers sign: Nausea
Really means: You can't handle your stress level

Preggers sign: Sensitivity to smells
Really means: You need to clean your house/you work too close to the copier & the toner has just been changed.

Preggers sign: You don't like the taste of coffee as much as you used to.
Really means: You really, really wish you were pregnant again - but you aren't. Drink up!

Actual Letter (email) to Mr. Clean, inc.

2009-05-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

From: Ruth Hanley [mailto:ruthellenm@hotmail.com]

Sent: Thursday, April 23, 2009 7:30 PM

To: Customer Service - Butler Home Products, Inc

Subject: Mr. Clear Magic Eraser Mop Complaint

Hi,

I wanted to submit a complaint about my Mr. Clear Magic Eraser Mop. I recently bought a refill (refill type A #01117146615) and tried to screw it in according to your directions - however, immediately the plastic screw tracks broke and I was not able to screw it in on one side. I tried to use it anyway, since being a Stay-at-home mom with a part-time job, I have to move heaven & earth to get the time to clean the floor: buy a replacement mop head a new bucket, since my husband used & lost my old one, make sure my daughter is sleeping so that she does not try to 'help' and get poisioned, literally round up my cats & put them in another room so that they do not run over the floor & lick the poison off their paws, move all the furniture (quietly, so I don't wake up my daughter) sweep the floor (quietly, same reason) and THEN try to wash it. I ended up using the insert on my hands & knees, since I don't know when I'll get the time to do this again. I am extremely disappointed in your product & had to stop several times to put it back together & curse it. I know it wasn't meant to be used with only one screw, and thus my frusteration, but I need my mop to work when I have the time to use it. Not immediately break and then have to wait for heaven & earth to move again. I will warn my friends against your product & not purchase it in the future, but I wanted you to know that one hard-working mom's opinion is that it is a cheap, shoddy product and even if I was able to screw in the mop head, I would only be able to use it for one floor washing before needing to purchase another one, because it just doesn't stand up to real floors with real messes. Sorry to have negative feedback, but please forward this information to whoever is appropriate to recieve it. Thank you.

- Ruth HanleyBothell, WA

From: Customer Service - Butler Home Products, Inc

To: ruthellenm@hotmail.com

Subject: RE: Mr. Clear Magic Eraser Mop Complaint

Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 09:09:41 -0400

Good Morning Ruth,

I certainly understand your frustration with your defective mop head. We do stand behind our products, and will happily send a new replacement head to you, should you desire to try again.

Again, I am sorry you had such a problem with your Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Mop. If you do wish to have a replacement head sent out to you, I will need your full address so that we are able to send that out to you. Also, please be sure to let me know which of the Magic Eraser Mops you have; the Butterfly Mop , the Squeeze Mop, or the Roller Mop – they all take different replacement heads.

Regards,

Jaime Garrity
Consumer Support
Butler Home Products

RE: Mr. Clear Magic Eraser Mop Complaint‏
From: Ruth Hanley (ruthellenm@hotmail.com)
Sent: Fri 4/24/09 9:29 AM
To: Customer Service - Butler Home Products, Inc

Hi Jaime,

Thank you for your timely reply! I would love a new mop head and will try it again. My floors will surely be dirty again soon, since I have a 2-year old with still-developing hand/eye coordination at the dinner table. My address is: xxxx Bothell, WA. I had a squeeze mop - the kind with a foldover panel that you squeeze yourself. I appreciate your taking the time to help me out & I will give the mop another try.Thank you again!

- Ruth Hanley

(Ruth's note for her blog: Sheesh! Who knew that there was an actual person that was going to read this?? How embarrasing! Can you hear me backpedaling my rant in my last reply? sigh. I have yet to recieve the new mop head, by the way...but even so, at the end of my frusterating cleaning episode, I threw the whole thing out the back door onto the lawn, so I may have broken it. Then, that night, we ate sour cream that tasted like whipped cream, so I sent an email to Kroger as well. I guess it was complaint day.)

2009-05-04T15:00:00.001-07:00

It's been a year since my last post. A lot has changed and I'm not dedicating nearly enough time to writing! Clara is almost 3 years old, I am old and am realizing that the baby stage called "the third trimester" is almost over. Does this mean that I have to ditch the baby monitor? Stop looking into toddlerwearing? Start potty training? (really doing it - not just buying the cool underwear for her and all the toileting accesories - we have 2 potty seats & 1 potty chair & she's not using any of them). Is it still babyweight that my magical uterus has to sort out, or is that all 'me' now? Can I still claim post-partum depression when I'm feeling lonely & overwhelmed? Does this mean that the "Purple fairy" has to come and finally take Clara's purples? (pacifiers - that means that Jim & I would have to 'free-purple it' when trying to get her to sleep...). I don't want to stand in the way of Clara's becoming a 'big girl', but...well...I think I am.

Here are some aspects of motherhood that have been added since I last wrote: I have a part time job, so Clara gets a good dose of daycare (and, I must admit, 'kiddie kennel cough') so at least she's exposed to some normalcy - even though the good friend who runs the daycare is pleasantly non-conformist. It's a perfect fit. She has tons of friends & is more popular than I ever was : ) Plus, she doesn't have helicopter mom going 'be careful' all the time.

OK - I'm not a total overprotection nightmare. I don't act on nearly as many worries as I actually have. Plus, I have a life. I really do! It's just not as...robust...as it was, and I'm still asking "who the heck let me have a kid? I'd better not mess up!" Thus, the overprotectiveness. When I get around people that don't have kids, I feel sort of awkward because most of my day has been spent thinking about or doing something with Clara and to top it off, my job is at a church, so if I take a break from talking about kids to talk about my job, people get noticably even more uncomfortable. great.) Anyway, I am going to post more often because - sheesh! - I need to! I am trying to keep it together & not screw up Clara, so I need some kind of outlet to vent!

Here is some of the mothering wisdom that I have discovered from personal experience:
* If you talk about it, you will jinx it (Clara's finally sleeping through the night/never throws things at people/hasn't gotten sick yet/etc.) so DON'T SAY ANYTHING if it's going well
* When the husband's away, your kiddo will get sick. She's been sick plenty of times when he's been here, so he's gotten a good dose of kid sickness stressitis, but when he goes out of town, I batten down the hatches and get ready to get thrown up on.
* If you bluff, your kid will know, so get ready to get called (ex: 'If you do that one more time, I'm going to spank you!' only helps you look like an abusive crap mom in front of the cashier & customers in Panera - then when you don't follow through, you look even worse to the other 50% in the long line that do believe in spanking kids)
* If your kid is sick or tired, but you still need to take them out, go to Wal*Mart - then, when they have a meltdown and you are yelling at them, you'll at least blend in with all the other moms & kids doing the same thing.
* When you are going through a hard stage with your kid, it usually means that they're maturing & you need to go to the next level. Eventually, you'll catch yourself saying 'gosh, this is easy now!' and then your kid will change again (so appreciate the easy times!)

Here are some of the good things that are going on right now:
* Clara can sing the the song "Our State Fair" from Roger's & Hammerstein's "State Fair" (don't miss it, don't even be laaaate!) It's the least romantic R & H musical. The rest have toooo much to explain. Don't even get me started on Flower Drum Song or most of teh Shirley Temple movies...
* She loves to look at stuff with a magnifying glass & binoculars and is very curious. We recently went on a walk with a princess in a baby carriage and her magnification tools to look at everything (trash, grass, rusty orange VW bus on the side of the road)
* She can do the 80's dance "the sprinkler". I'm working on running man...
* She loves friends! And she has a ton. What a friendly girl!
* I actually enjoy my job. I love doing something for a 'bigger purpose' and I love connecting people with resources. This job has really brought me full circle from being a PK as a child ('pastor's kid') and makes me appreciate the political environment that Dad worked in as well as filling in all the holes left from when we were kicked out of the countless churches that he preached at. Yes, he went to seminary in Berkley in the 60's & was an upstart. Not a good career combo.
* Though Jim & I don't have nearly as much quality time as we wish we did, every time I can still make him laugh, I know that we still 'got it'. Also, it has made us creative with childcare. No, we don't have picnics in front of the TV while Clara is sleeping - she finally goes to bed at 10 oclock at night! (don't ask - we're working on that) but we do have a babysitting co-op with a family across the street and I'm getting ready to 'cold call' a recomended nursery worker at church...It's all for a good cause.

That's all the news for now. I'm writing more about the stressful stuff than the sweet mothering moments - like how we hold hands in the car and how she still prefers to snuggle with me rather than anything else (unless there's a friend or an animal or a cool toy, but still) and she is, despite my fumbling attempts at motherhood, becoming the special child that the Shaman told me she would be - and that I know she is.

Sequencing Back Into the Paid Workforce - Here are your Transferable Skills!

2008-04-25T14:38:00.001-07:00

Pictures of me and my "Boss"

When a mom "sequences" back into the paid workforce, it can be tricky, after a year or two as a stay-at-home mom to explain what you've been doing. You can just leave the period of time blank, saying simply "stay at home mom during this time", but you haven’t just been running after little people and hooking yourself up as a one-woman dairy – you have acquired many transferable skills that you can apply toward your new position! Here are some suggestions for transferable skills that you can list when they ask you, “what did you do with your time “off”?:

Previous Position: CFO (Chief Family Officer – cute, no?)Experience and Accomplishments
· Multi-tasking
o Example: I have used my feet as deft tools to pick up things around the house - to the point that they have become a second set of hands. I can pick a pacifier up off the floor WITHOUT my toes touching the rubbery part that goes into the baby’s mouth. I can clean an entire room while holding my daughter, who does not want to be put down or in a carrier for the first 2 years of her life.
o Alternate example: I can send emails with my baby, deigning to sit fussily in her Bijorn as long as I bounce her up and down on an big exercise ball to soothe her howls.
o How this experience transfers: Need someone to collate seminar packets while creating and sending out an event plan for a sales meeting and calming an angry customer? I can do it!
· Prioritization
o Example: When my daughter is sleeping, which one is the highest priority?
A.) Taking a shower (if more than three days without, go with this one)
B.) Cleaning the house (if you no longer can find your “emergency path” through the various electronic noisemaking devices to the door, choose this one)
C.) Eating a meal today (a lower priority, since you can always forage off your baby’s puree or finger foods that she flings off the table. Plus, you’ve had more than enough coffee to count as a meal.)
D.) “Sleep when the baby sleeps” – only when you are acting crazy & ready to kill the cat. Then, more sleep is a medicinal need. All other times, this can wait (until she is 30).
· Networking
o Example: All your friends are single and/or working outside the home. You are going crazy because there are days that the only person you talk to is two feet tall and has a vocabulary limited to “Dada”, which is, consequently her answer to everything. You need to network with other moms and women of various backgrounds (stay-at-home, “working”, single, no children) to maintain or introduce some sanity. At the park, you have to be able to go up to other moms and do the “what age is (s)he? Oh! Mine’s 2 – that’s why she’s pushing your child. Wanna get coffee sometime?”
· Event Planning
o Example: My daughter’s First Birthday party…60 people…using my in-law’s house as the venue…pleasing the most hard-to-please client in the world – myself! Therefore, the party must be a complete culmination of all my hopes and dreams from childhood on for my daughter. Must also make up for any slights I’ve had birthday-wise in my lifetime and impress all the other mommies and family (I don’t want to admit it, but that’s true). If you can pull this off without a major drama, then add this to your resume! This more than qualifies you to be an event planner!
· A Note on My Experience with my Previous Employer: I was excellent at working with my previous boss, who had a difficult personality. She would call me at odd hours in the middle of the night, yelling for a task to be done immediately. I was excellent at meeting her needs to her high standards, even with complete lack of sleep. The hours she demanded were around the clock. I only got a break when she slept in short spurts. She rewarded her employees (Myself and one other colleague, whom she always attempted to keep me from having any meaningful working relationship with.) with smiles, increased responsibilities and personal growth (hers).

Ribbit! Ribbit! You know you’re in too many playgroups when…

2008-04-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Like any SAHM, (for those of you who aren’t “up on the lingo”, that means Stay-at-home-mom) I have joined some playgroups with Clara to let her socialize with other little people that are toddling into each other screaming “mine!”. I also lead another group without Clara to earn “pin money” on the side (I don't make enough to call it "gas money"). However, it has recently become aparent that I am involved in too many playgroups.

Here's an example of why: today’s scheduled toddler group was singing “3 Little Speckled Frogs”. Now, for those of you aren’t familiar with the song, there are many variations: 3 Little Speckled Frogs (for toddlers), 5 Little Speckled Frogs (for older toddlers with a longer attention span – those two extra frogs can really be a killer to sit through if you’re under 2), and my friend Rachel told me about a version called, A Thousand Little Speckled Frogs (used on long cartrips in college). Also, like most songs in this genre, there are many sound effects worked in to various parts of the song because that’s the only time the toddlers can actually join in. This toddler group’s version was pretty simple. Here’s how it went:

3 little speckled frogs
Sitting on a speckled log
Eating the most delicious bugs
(at this point, everyone – the moms mostly – says “yum, yum!”)
One jumped into the pool, where it was nice and cool
Then there were 2 green speckled frogs!

Now - at this point in a different playgroup we all say “RIBBIT!” at the end of the song using our best frog voices. I have become so practiced at it that I may have a career on an extremely rural vaudeville circuit (vaudeville isn’t dead yet, right?) and be able to make a fine living. However, in THIS playgroup, we all take a silent pause before going on to the next verse about the two speckled frogs that were left. So, as two worlds collided, all the other parents took their polite pause and I accidentally bellowed out my best exaggerated “RRRIIBBIT!”

The other moms all looked at me and chuckled, (the way they do when one of the toddlers starts dancing with apelike enthusiasm) before they realized that it was just the total dork mom to their right. I blushed so red and all eyes paused on me for the remainder of the ‘between verse pause’. I guess the most embarrassing part was that I really enjoyed these songs as much as my daughter does. At home, out of the public eye I'm always singing these songs and doing the hand motions like a drag queen lipsynching an ABBA song. Luckily I have someone to blame for my singing all those overly-catchy songs. I say, “Oh, these songs are helping Clara develop early math skills with the rhyme and repetition.” Like I’m one of those flashcard, alpha moms trying to prep her for college. Nope – I got caught that day on my own little ‘fun cloud’ singing little ditties and doing the hand motions. And since I have no vaudeville engagements lined up, I'll have to keep doing this to please my inner Ethel Merman. And maybe Clara will become a mathematician! (or a Drag Queen)

The Games Parents Play - Warning: If You Aren't Parenting an Infant or Toddler, This May Seem Gross...

2007-08-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

Now that you are a parent, you can look forward to playing many games with your child everyday! Here is a list of a few that you will treasure for years to come:
1.) Where’s the Paci!?!
Description: You just got your daughter to sleep after an hour of rocking her and not moving a single muscle in each of your dead arms while you listened to Enya drone on for the fifty-thousandth time. You stealthily slipped her into the crib without her sensing a change in temperature or surface tension of her surroundings and waking up, but her paci has fallen out of her mouth. If you don’t put it back in, you’ll have to repeat this ritual when she wakes up, the likelyhood of which increases every moment her paci still lies unplugged.
Rules: Retrieve the paci from underneath her neck without waking the baby and without lowering the crib guardrail and without making any noise. You are not able to telescope your arm out any further than it naturally grows.
Level Two Game: You’re great at this! Now, at the challenge is: Your daughter is crying in her crib at a moderate level. You enter the room to find that there is no pacifier in sight (exaggerted by the fact that it is completely dark in the room). Your job is to find the paci and "rebink" her before the cries escalate to hysteria, extinguishing your hopes for sleep. The location of the paci could be one of several places: between the crib bumper and the crib slats,(be careful – moving the bumper may cause the paci to drop into the black hole underneath the crib), behind the under-bed box underneath the crib? (extra points for holding your daughter while getting into a horizontal position, moving the bed box and finding the paci behind it) or is it just plain f-ing gone & it’s game-over for you both. (penalty: go out to the paci reject pile in the kitchen & boil one that’s been on a public restroom floor – of course you don’t have extra sanitized pacis floating around). Automatically added challenge: you’re asleep this whole time – it’s 3 am for gosh sakes!

2.) One-Two-Three, Poop on Me!
Description: You have changed your little one’s diapers, and now you are both having a much-needed lunch. However, there is a persistent smell of poop in the air. Where is it coming from? Is it: On your finger in a place that you missed when you were spot-Purelling, because you had to apply it while your novice aviator was trying to launch himself from the changing table? Is it: under a fingernail, because even though you washed your hands thouroughly you don’t have time to go over your darn hands with a fingernail brush? Is it: in your little one’s diapers because he decided to go for round 2? Is it: wafting from the nursery Diaper Genie that is crammed so full of rolled poopy diapers that they are literally trailing off the sides and nestling in a cozy stack on the handle? Is it: wafting from the empty Diaper Champ because in your one plus year of changing diapers, you’ve never had the time to take it outside and scrub out all the poop residue?
Rules: Find the source of the poop-smell before you both throw up or get sick from ingesting poop and either way lunch is ruined for you both.

3.) What did Baby Eat?
Description: This is a game that no one wants to play but out of uncontrollable, perverse curiosity you play it every time you open a poopy diaper.
Rules: Guess from the contents of the diaper what the baby just processed: Rasins? Freeze-dried apples? Corn? Peas?
Bonus Points: Ponder why you even feed these items to baby, since they obviously go right through her, completely undigested.
Junior Level: If your baby isn’t eating finger foods yet but eating baby food ‘solids’, guess which vegetable she processed based on the color.
Note: Sure this is disgusting, but you play it, don’t you???

4.) Go Fish!
Description: Now that your toddler is eating goldfish, they are all over the place and they puff into an oblivion of crumbs with the slightest pressure. At the same time, your little darlin’ eats them in the style of Cookie Monster: with complete abandon, spraying the golden fishies all over the living room. However, it is the only way to bribe her to do something and/or let you put her down and do something yourself, and/or fill her tummy a little when she won’t eat all the healthy food you have set out for her.
Rules: Once the fish have been “distributed” onto the floor, quickly try to grab them all and put them back into the ineffective snack container before your toddler’s little hammy feet crush them all into the carpet. Repeat this game as many times as you give the container of fish back to her. Vaccuum needed. Repeatedly.

5.) Canoodle a Little or Not
Description: It’s been so long since you and your wife have had sex that you’ve forgotten that she changes outfits each day by actually removing her clothes. You look at each other with a sort of dry mouthed depression that one feels when they see a mirage of an oasis in a vast desert. One night, she has half a glass of wine and actually suggests canoodling before she passes out from her low alchohol tolerance. HOWEVER, bionic-eared baby asleep in her crib has an extra-sensory perception and may wake up at any moment sounding a potential sibling alert and ending the evening at an inevitably awkward moment.
Rules: No noises, be quick and appreciate any amount of canoodling you get. You win if you complete the act before baby wakes up.
Second level: You both complete the act before baby wakes up.
·

Mommybrain gets Kissy Kissy

2007-08-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

I come from a blended family where kissing is concerned. My Dad’s family kisses on the lips and my mom’s family kisses on the cheek. When their two daughters were born, my mom’s family style of kissing won out and I grew up never kissing on the lips except for two scenarios: boys (eventually) and my Grandma Millar, who always gave my sister & I the heebie-jeebies whenever her soft, wrinkly lips landed on their mark, leaving behind a chunk of red Coty lipstick glistening with saliva. When we complained to our Mom, she just dismissed our affronted protests with, “She just loves you and that’s the way your Dad grew up. His family kisses on the lips. It means the same thing as the way we do it on the cheek.” No more was said about it. Grandma Millar was “kissy-kissy” and it did not get passed on to his daughters.

The first thing I noticed when I met my husband, Jim’s family was how much love they had for each other. There was a guileless ease in the way they interacted and they enjoyed spending time as a family – with no drama (unlike some of my familial highlights, which I won’t go into here). I also noted - just briefly - that they were a family that kissed on the lips but was surprised that it didn’t seem weird. It was just a quick peck (not like my memory of my Grandma’s kisses, which greatly escalated in exaggeration over the years to a full on kissy-kissy attack) and done out of a genuine, comfortable affection for each other (note: I have never seen Jim kiss his brother, and I doubt that it has ever happened, so there are some boundaries). I didn’t think of this again until Jim and I were discussing the impending birth of our daughter. “Are you going to kiss her on the lips like your family does?” I asked, with sincere interest. “I think so – just a little peck once in a while” Jim answered. That sounded fine, since it seemed natural for him as a part of his family’s style. “I will only kiss Clara on the cheek – not the lips.” I said, and it was settled.

Once Clara was born however, I envied Jim, who occasionally gave Clara’s sweet lips a little peck. I had kissed almost all of Clara’s cute baby highlights, except her lips - a little rosebud that was a pity to neglect with my affections. But, since kissing family on the lips wasn’t part of my family’s ‘culture’, (and since I over-analyze everything), I resolved not to.

Now, Clara kisses us! She opens her mouth to a gaping degree and much like my Grandma Millar, lavishes her affections on anything she can get her hands on – Mommy & Daddy, stuffed animals, rocks in the yard, her toys, the cat – She’s not particular with her slack-jawed PDA. When I see that gaping hole, dripping drool, searching for her next kissy victim, I just have to laugh. In the mornings, when she wakes in our bed (occasionally we bring her in at 5am to get a few moments extra sleep) lately, she’s been super kissy. Inevitably, she tries to kiss me on the lips, like she does with her Daddy. At first I tried to turn to give her my right or left cheek like I used to try with my Grandma Millar. I figured she wasn’t choosy about what she kissed, but eventually it dawned on me that she’s actually set on kissing me on the lips! I thought about how I felt about this. It was like the spirit of my Grandma Millar trying to come back & haunt me in the form of this little pixie child. However, in my one-plus year of being a stay-at-home Mom, I have become teacher, buddy, companion and joan-of-arc protector of my daughter. She was a part of me and that perfectly symbiotic affection for each other only lasts so long before it becomes one-sided. Eventually, I will be the mother of an independent, self-assured girl, totally grossed out by Mom & Dad’s lavish affections on her. I gave Clara a quick peck on the top lip of her open mouth and she blinked and smiled. That wasn’t so bad – or creepy. It was Mom’s kissy kissy and I could feel my Grandma Millar smiling from above. Was that Coty lipstick I tasted on my lips?

Mommybrain Gets Dressed

2007-08-08T21:59:00.000-07:00

See that picture above? That is me with Clara, about a week after she was born. Notice my cankles - That is NOT natural on me! The double chin? Ditto! Ugly gaucho pants and the one shirt that I considered my "pretty shirt"? I burned them! (or at least gave them away with a vigor). Having a baby leaves you feeling like a huge irritable beanbag that can squirt milk at will. The last thing you want to worry about is how you look because you already know: Tired. Bloated. Old. The idea of jazzing yourself up seems like a loosing battle and a paltry item on the huge ‘to do’ list you have going in your head– raising a perfect child to not hate you when it grows up - keep it alive, free of issues or media influence, make sure it learns a few other languages as well as baby signing etc. etc. (whew!) However, one day you look down at the maternity clothes you are still wearing and realize, “Wait– I’m not pregnant anymore!”
It’s enough to make most mommies really depressed! On one hand, you don’t want to invest too heavily in a wardrobe for the heavily inflated version of yourself that you hope is a passing phase. You’ve been told that breastfeeding can make you go back down to your original weight (or hopefully even skinnier!), but in the meantime, you have nothing to wear but drawstring pajamas or sweats and a ton of maternity clothes that you don’t want to look at ever again! I always promised myself that I’d never become a ‘Housefrau’ – the kind of mom that just becomes invisible. It’s easy to forget about how you look – especially because whenever people see you coming these days, they’re saying “Aaawww!” but please note that they’re not aaawww-ing about you. You actually have spinach between your teeth, haven’t showered or slept in three days and look like the Staypuft Marshmellow man - buy you're always toting around the cutest baby that the world has ever seen. Don’t worry – you’re still fabulous too – you just have to invest a fraction of the money you spend on baby clothes on yourself instead! Example: your baby doesn’t need 30 pairs of shoes if they’re not walking! (I should know – I have 29 pairs of shoes still in their boxes.) I know it's more fun to shop for baby these days - It’s the one chance you get to buy something in a size ‘small’ and everything looks fabulous on (your baby). Normally, I don’t endorse limiting baby purchases, but this is for a worthy cause – you! The following is some advice that I’ve come to learn (the hard way):

1.) If you keep wearing your maternity clothes, you’ll feel dumpy and guilty, since you’re not pregnant anymore, and nothing else fits you. When you go to playgroups, the other mommies will KNOW you are wearing maternity clothes! I remember I wore a cute top from when I was pregnant to a playgroup. I thought it didn’t look too obvious, but a bunch of the girls shouted excitedly, “Oh! I had that when I was pregnant too!”.
2.) You may be getting pushback from your husband about investing too heavily in clothes that fit your body right now, since any minute, you’ll probably go back to the size you were before you were pregnant (thanks to breastfeeding, of course)! I have news for you: It took you 9 months to get that big, and it will take you at least that to go back to your original size (with some work on your part.) Breastfeeding shrinks your uterus back down to it’s original size, but it doesn’t shrink the results of all your preggers midnight ice cream cravings. Of course, there are the few girls that squeezed into their original pants before they left the hospital, but I do not officially acknowledge their existence.
3.) If you can squeeze into your original clothes, more likely you do it like I used to get into tight pants back in high school: you lay down to make your stomach more flat and pull the zipper up that way (hey – it was the 80’s…) but that creates the unfashionable phenomenon called the “muffin top”. People can see it, you can see it and it is not a good thing! I was at a mommy and me class one day and only had time to grab a quick breakfast at a coffee drive through when I realized it – I was eating a (real) muffin top and could feel everyone’s eyes on me – or rather my midsection. It was a moment of cannabalistic irony that everyone in the room noticed along with me. Very embarrassing. So please say with me: It’s better to invest in bigger pants for the short term than sport the look of trying to squeeze toothpaste back into the tube!

You can look fabulous in your new, stretchmarked, possibly scarred, bigger body. Use this as your ‘shopportunity’ to get some new cute clothes.

Here are some tips for looking fabulous post-baby:
1.) Go to a store that has cute but cheap stuff, like Target or Old Navy. Macy’s also has great sales that you can take advantage of. I don’t recommend consignment stores or Ross/TJ Maxx, etc – even if you are trying to save money. It is too hard to find what you need from the rows & rows of racks when you are toting a baby and have a limited time before the fussing starts (your baby's). It’s just not worth the effort of taking the baby out of the car, maneuvering her into a cart and keeping her entertained if there is a chance you won’t find something.
2.) Bring a friend or husband to hold the baby (or make it a mommy's night out with a friend) while you do some serious pants shopping. It is important to try on a million pairs of pants to find the one that really fits right and makes you feel fabulous. Invest in comfortable, well-fitting jeans! You’ll feel a sigh of relief when you do this. Once I tried to bring Clara with me when I was trying to find a pair of pants to replace a maternity pair that I just couldn’t seem to let go of. All of a sudden, mid-change, Clara got super-fussy and wouldn’t stop crying. She wanted to be held and wouldn’t stop screaming in the dressing room until I did, but I had no pants & couldn't put them on without her causing a huge scene (by the way, why do those dressing rooms echo so much?) so I had no pants on holding a baby that would start screaming again at any moment – what to do? Luckily, I had half a teething biscuit left at the bottom of my bag and I gave it to her to suck on while I quickly put on my own jeans and left the store.
3.) The jeans that will look best on you at this point must have a little give to them and be slightly stretchy. That way, they’ll conform to your body, but not cling to it. They shouldl hold you in but still be comfortable.
4.) Invest in Spanx. If you are going on a date with your husband (which I highly recommend) or if you're going to church or a wedding, or anywhere else that you have to dress up or you just want to make anyone say, “wow-she looks great after the baby” – suck it up (litereally) and wear Spanx. Spanx is basically a girdle. Some have panty hose attached and some just cover the tummy & thighs. I like the one that looks like panties, but the girdle goes all the way up under your boobs. It works wonders to just pull you in enough to have a smoother line wherever you need it. I have lost some weight after my baby, but the skin on my tummy now looks a like a partially-deflated balloon that hangs over my waistband – NOT GOOD! Usually it’s not noticeable, but when I want to wear something a little nicer or skinnier, I wear my Spanx. (Maybe don’t share the details I just told you about the state of my midsection – it’s just between us…)
5.) Wear happy colors – if you wear too much beige/light pink clothes, you’ll look like a Housefrau and be able to blend in with the walls so that your baby will look like he is floating in mid-air with no one to hold it. Not good for the self-esteem! It’s hard not to lose some of your identity, since you are so focused on your baby right now, but remember, they learn their self-confidence from watcing you! Don't stress about it – just pick out a few brighter colors and get over it.
6.) Lastly, congratulations! Your feet are bigger too now! (most women’s feet increase ½ a size after pregnancy) So it’s time to go….shoe shopping!! Buying shoes is always fun. Even if you can fit into most of your old ones, it’s nice to get a few that are actually comfortable now that you have less tolerance for all those cheap fabulous shoes that hurt like hell! Make it your ongoing mall quest (every woman needs one, to keep you focused at the mall).

Now get shopping! Don’t forget that walking around the mall counts as exercise if you don’t stop for a cinnamon pretzel or a corndog. Godiva’s doesn’t count though, since it’s expensive and they sell CHOCOLATE DIPPED FRUIT!

Mommybrain's Breastfeeding Tools

2007-08-08T21:43:00.001-07:00

Here is a list of all the supplies that you need to make breastfeeding as easy as possible (whic is still pretty hard)!

Boppy or “My Breast Friend”
You have to choose between cute or utilitarian. However, the Boppy scoots forward, so it isn’t that easy to use – though I got used to it eventually & Clara is got a little bigger. I tried the “My Breast Friend” version (Stupid name, but it works much better…) at my 3 day post partum visit at the hospital and it was much easier to use because it belts around the back, but not as pretty. It could be that they had a really good chair with back support too…

Breast pads
Lansinoh is the best brand. There are washable versions (but who wants the extra laundry??) and it’s hard to tell when you are shopping for them which breast pads have the VERY IMPORTANT plastic backing (like a pad for periods does) so that the milk doesn’t leak all the way through the pad to the shirt. Lansinoh will run you about $8.00 for a pack of 60 that will last you about 2 weeks to a month.

Burp Cloths
You need an infinite number of these, since once the baby barfs on it, you don’t really want to use it again & can go through a couple per sitting. Get the packages of 4, but don’t use plain white cloth diapers – you could, but why use something that isn’t cute??? If it’s going to be covered in barf, it should have something cute to balance out the icky-ness. When Clara was about 5-6 months old, I wasn’t using them nearly as often (maybe because I don’t care as much when she barfs on me…or she isn’t barfing as much – I’m not sure…)

A Thick, Poufy or fleecy Blanket
I always carry a thick poufy or fleecy blanket with me so that I can prop my arm up when I breastfeed (especially when I’m out) & don’t have my Boppy. Some people can breastfeed without it, but it’s always been hard for me! You can also use the blanket to keep your kiddo warm in her stroller.

The Blanket They Sleep With
Drape them in the blanket that they are going to sleep with (yes, I use a blanket – even though they say not to…I make sure that it is an afgan-type with holes or else a really light receiving blanket so that she can’t suffocate – you’re supposed to use a blanket sleeper though) so that when you’re burping them and they fall asleep (hopefully), the blanket will smell like them & you & the milk & they will find it soothing. It is also soothing for them when their crib is barfed on a little bit (NOT too much). Anyhoo, I use the blanket they sleep with when I am at home so that putting her to sleep is easier.

A Really Great Chair to Nurse In
I love mine that rocks, swivels and reclines – but all you need is something that you can rock baby to sleep in & also fall asleep in yourself ---because you WILL! ; )

Baby Q-Tips
Keep them nearby on a table ‘cause when you’re breastfeeding, you will notice all the wax that they have in their ears and if you have even a little bit of obsessive-compulsion…

Kleenex
I should have listed this first, because it’s one of the most important things for Breast milk spills, barfs out of control, drool, your own nose needs, etc. I have used them instead of a burp cloth many times.

Books & Magazines
Have a place for books & magazines by your chair because when you’re rocking your baby for hours, it’s nice to have something to read over their shoulder. Can be a mix of parenting & non-parenting – themed,,,

Pat the Bunny
Nice to read between feedings to baby when the mood strikes…

A (cute) Trash Can
I’ve been using a gift bag from Clara’s shower – has lasted 5 months & now I’m using a wipes box (jumbo size)… you will need it for the Kleenexes, breast pads, q-tips, etc. when you’re in your chair, feeding, etc. your baby. You’ll need another one by the changing station, but it’s nice to have one right next to the feeding area too.

Pumping equipment
You can set up a “pumping station” nearby if you have an electric pump.

More pacifiers
They will get lost, so it’s nice to have some nearby in case he spits it out into the black hole that is located over your shoulder & its dark & she was almost asleep, but now you have to hold her while you look for it in the dark…you get the idea… Make sure that however many you buy, you buy more than that – you can never have too many (Note though, that when they are abou 5-6 months, they will need the bigger size.)

A CD Player with CDs
Something to play while you are nursing & rocking your little one to sleep. Any soothing music – doesn’t have to be baby-oriented. I play Enya’s Amarantide, but also Fisher-Price Celtic lullabies (from Wal-Mart), and Baby Einstein Lulabies are winners. I like to play Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t worry, Be Happy” CD when Clara is up & about. Warning though: if you’re like me (you’re probably not, thank goodness) and try to play all that moody music you listened to in college & beyond, thinking it will be soothing for the baby – it’s not. It sounds like whining & crying to them & they will join IN! ; )

New Moms & Moms-To-Be, here's a list of what your new baby REALLY needs

2007-08-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

Finally! Forget all the thousands of books & magazines you've read that are telling you what products & stuff you need for your new baby. Here is a list of all the the things I actually used when I had my new baby (amid all the piles of stuff that I didn't). All products have been tested non-scientifically by Clara, and it's possible that you or your little one may have different preferences, but gosh! Here's a place to start at least!

Creamy Desitin (Sold Everywhere) – The other kinds are too hard! This one goes on nice & creamy on their sore butts – so soothing!

Target Diapers (Target) – Huggies’ are OK, but expensive (when baby is older, you can buy Huggies at Costco – but not until size 2) & Pampers have this weird, lemon-y pee smell that I hate. Plus, both brands are almost twice the cost of Target diapers, which have cute Carebears pictures on them.

Huggies Natural Unscented Wipes (Supermarkets, Target, etc, and Costco!) – We used the Target generic version and now we actually use Costco Kirkland unscented wipes, which are even cheaper. The Huggies are best when you start out because they are the softest. Start out with Huggies & refill the plastic wipes container with whatever you decide on later. (unless you have a wipes warmer – we don’t use ours because Jim says that the bacteria may fester from being wet & warm all the time…it’s a long story). Please note that decided not to use Pampers wipes because they seemed to soapy. Also, Lansinoh sells “wipes for breastfed babies”. I didn’t know what that meant (& still don’t). The wipes are dry & oily. I don’t get it, but I have a pack that I bought on accident & guess I will use if/when Clara gets diaper rash or something.

Generic Kleenex (Costco) – Get the big Costco ‘landscape’ size (rather than the upright, smaller ones) and keep one by the place that you breastfeed for breastmilk spillage, nose-blowing, etc., one by the changing table (for baby boogers or etc.) and one in the living room (for spit ups).

Lansinoh Breast Pads (Target & Bartell’s) – they are plastic-backed, so you can leak milk all night and you just wake up with HUGE puffy pads in your shirt rather than soaking your shirt, the bed, etc. with milk. Note that these pads are not failsafe, but they are the best you can get, in my opinion. Many of the others brands are pure cotton (no plastic back), so there is no barrier between your shirt & your milk.

Generic Baby Stain Remover (Babies r Us or Target) Does the same thing as the dreft or oxy brand, but is cheaper

“Ring-a-Links” or "Link-a-Doos"(it’s a toy) (Babies R Us, Grocery Stores or Discount Stores) - For some reason, babies LOVE playing with these at all ages (Clara still likes hers) Plus, you can hang stuff off them for baby to bat at in their baby gym, you can give baby a few that are linked together to play with or even just give them one link & they’ll be fascinated. Later, when they are too distractable during diaper-time, keep a link on the changing table so you can give it to baby to hold while you change them. Finally, you can also use them to hang a purse off your stroller (hook onto the handle and hang your purse.)

“Baby on Board” Sign – Welcome to being a parent! Here’s your sign ; )

Baby Q-Tips (Target, grocery stores) Use on their ears, their eyes, behind their ears & other folds where “baby cheese” accumulates (I believe that technically, “baby cheese” consists of a combination of spitup, zwieback and lint.)

Gallon-sized Ziplock Bags (Costco – get the bulk size) Always have a new one of these in your baby bag to put poopy or peepee diapers in when you are out & about. Many times you have to take your dirty diapers with you because of an establishment’s rules (like when you’re in the mall and you use this trick: you really have to change the baby’s nasty diaper, but you don’t want to do it in the germ-ridden fluorescent-lit bathroom at the mall, so you ask the saleslady with your most innocent, nurturing expression, “May I breastfeed my baby in your dressing room?” The saleslady will show you to the handicapped dressing room, where you can bring your stroller and, yes, you do breastfeed your baby after you change his/her nasty diaper first (you can try to “talk” to your baby to cover the sound of the velcro tabs). Then you will want to take that diaper with you in a securely locked bag so that you aren’t leaving it there (big faux pas!), or carying it uncovered in your bag.

Lap Pads (Babies R Us, Fred Meyer or Target) Target sells small ones in a pack of 3, which are nice, but we also got a big one from Babies R Us. You can put it in your baby bag for a big changing mat or you can use it on your changing table over the changing pad cover so that if the baby peepees or poops on the table you can just wash the pad & not the whole cover. You’ll need about 4 small ones or two big ones.

Burp Cloths (everywhere) The key is to make sure they are as big as possible. Don’t use the plain white cloth diapers because first of all, they’re diapers and second, they look boring! Buy burp cloths that are nice, big & colorful. YOU CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY OF THESE!! I think we have about 20 & we still needed more. Babies R Us and Target are the best places to get them.

Nose Aspirator (Everywhere) – sucks out boogers – use saline first up their nose & then suck it out with the aspirator. Take the aspirator from the hospital – it’s the best one. (If I haven’t mentioned this before, you should take EVERYTHING in your hospital room that isn’t nailed down when you leave the hospital. You are going to pay for it anyway, so you might as well take it. Take the extra baby caps, shirts, diapers, etc.) Going back to baby noses, sucking out boogers is a very hard manuver, but if you are

BABY Saline (Everywhere) – I use ‘Little Noses’ baby saline. You should use this on baby whenever (s)he gets stuffy or has boogers. You should also use it from time to time just during flu season. It isn’t a medicine, but it helps the ‘flow’ of things.

Pacifiers (everywhere) – We use MAM, but Nuk is a great brand too. Mam makes their own pacifier holders, but most other kinds have that handle & can use a universal pacifier clip. Pacifier clips clip onto baby and hold the pacifier. They are great when you are holding the baby in a Bjorn or anytime you’re sick of the paci falling on the floor. Boil the pacifiers first when you get them and then boil them again from time to time when they get gross (basically, I have a place in the kitchen where I put pacifiers when they are ‘dead to me’- When they fall on asphalt, when they fall on a bathroom floor, etc.) We used latex pacifiers instead silicone ones because we heard that it was more like a nipple for baby. It’s a personal choice though & actually in hindsight, it never really mattered to Clara. Other brands that are popular are the Playtex Ortho Pro (shaped by a dental person for baby’s mouth so they don’t grow buck teeth or whatever), and “Soothies", which also have their own holders.

Johnson & Johnson’s Head-to-Toe Washcloths (everywhere) – They have the soap already on them, so you just get them wet & use them on baby for soap & shampoo (no conditioner or hair-styling products needed yet ; ) They are more convenient for baths when you start out – especially when they are newborn & you are giving them a sponge bath on a towel, rather than in their bathtub (if, like me, it was too stressful to hold a slippery baby in the baby bathtub. I got over it...).

Huggies Travel Pack of Wipes (Target and other stores) – The Huggies Natural wipes in a travelpack. Don’t bother with the plastic clamshells that come with your baby bag, or ones that you can buy. They don’t hold enough wipes. Huggies makes travel packs that re-close securely and look cute. (they’re the ones that are a pile of wipes in soft plastic with a hard plastic dispenser at the top). Later, you can use the Kirkland Signature wipes pack from Costco instead.

Purell – Have at least two pumps of these: one near where you breastfeed and one at the changing table. The kind with aloe will ensure that your hands are less sandpaper-y.

Travel Purell (Babies R Us & the Evergreen Breastfeeding Center) – A tiny bottle of Purell in a rubber holder that hooks onto your baby bag so that you can sanitize on the go!

Johnson’s Soothing Natural Soothe & Protect Balm (anywhere) – It looks like a teeny tiny deodorant stick. This is good for the baby’s dry patches on her cheeks or anywhere else. Clara always really liked the smell too!

Amy Coe Chenille Blanket (from Target) – Great size to sleep with when you start to use blankets (if you do), and they have holes like an afgan so that not only is the baby less likely to suffocate (in my opinion), but also they stay warm in the winter & cool enough in the summer.

Target brand baby Detergent (similar to Dreft,) – Does the same thing, but is cheaper.

Enya Music – great to soothe baby & Mommy & Daddy to sleep

Baby Einstein Lulabies – I still have to play this every time we get in the car – it’s a great sleeping-in-the-car CD (for Baby ; )

Lansinoh Lanolin - Use this when you are breastfeeding to soothe sore, chapped breasts. It is safe if baby ingests it, so later, when you still have a huge tube of it & baby's lips are chapped, you can use it as a baby chapstick. I called Vaseline & it's not considered safe enough to recomend to use for baby's chapped lips. We had chapped lips a lot because of the pacifier in the winter.

"Mommybrain's Christmas Pagent Memories" or "I Was a Big Fat Rat for Christmas"

2007-04-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

Most of the Christmas pageants were fun when I was little. It was when I got older that I started feeling awkward. I was a pastor’s kid, (A ‘PK’), so I was expected to be in the Christmas pageant, even when I was the oldest one there and I couldn’t get out of it because my mother was directing it. One Christmas, we had a different kind of pageant. It had songs and a story from the animal’s points of view of the first Christmas, so we had to dress up as the animal of our choosing. My sister, Anna chose to be a duck (She was still only 6), so Mom bought her a bright yellow leotard and fuzzy yellow slippers to wear. Mom also made a little yellow fuzzy tail for Anna to wear. She looked very cute.

I was in 5th grade, (a little too old to be in a Christmas pageant and a little taller than the rest of the kids) so I wanted to be something different. I wanted the people in the congregation to say, “Ooh! She is so creative and different – much too sophisticated to be in this pageant!”

Therefore, I chose to be the same animal as my beloved pet: my white lab rat, Raskey. Mom never had a problem pinning a costume together, but sewing a rat costume presented a challenge. I imagined the audience seeing me dressed as a cute, fuzzy rat and saying, “My! I never knew that rats could be so cute! I was always afraid of them, but now I see how nice they can be!”

Mom took a white sheet (since I was so tall she had to use a full-size sheet) and cut two holes in the bottom for my legs to stick out. She made me put my feet through the holes and she took the rest, gathered it up by my neck, cut two more holes for my arms. I complained that the costume was hanging on me and didn’t fit, but she said not to worry.

The night of the pageant, she helped me put the costume on and pinned the ends of the sheet around my neck after I stuck my arms and legs through the holes. She left the room and came back with a recycling basket full of newspaper. She said, “Hold still”, crumpled a page in her hand and stuffed it through my gaping armhole. Anna got into the act too. A flurry of arms and yellow feathers stuffed the sheet full of newspapers until I looked like a big, white upside down water balloon. Mom powdered my face white, painted whiskers on my cheeks and we were ready to go to the Christmas pageant. There was only one big problem: I was not a cute, fuzzy rat. I was a big, globelike, rat who was a little too tall and too old to be in a Christmas pageant.

At the pageant, all the children stood on the steps to the altar, singing special carols about how animals were at the manger scene too, and how they felt about it (they liked it). I could see people in the congregation pointing at Anna and the other smaller children, and pouting out an “aaaw” at the cute costumes on small bodies, but even more people pointed at me, laughing to each other in the church laugh (not too loud). The children were lined up on the steps – smallest on the outside, and gradually ascending heights to the middle where –Surprise! There was a big fat albino rat who was a little too tall and a little too old for the pageant - and a little too big for anyone to stand very close to.

The most upsetting part of the evening was that I didn’t get to show anyone how cute rats really were. However, whenever congregation members came over to my Dad’s house, I made sure to put Raskey on their laps. I was sure they would like rats once they got to play with her…

The Tooth Hurts

2007-01-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

Hindsight is always 20/20. Upon reflection, I should have known that Clara was teething on the day that she tried to eat her crib. I was feeling particularly down that day and very cloistered because the weather was too crappy to go out. Clara had been particularly fussy that day after waking up frequently that night, I was tired and she was needy, so I called the hostess of a holiday party I had scheduled for that day with the lame last minute excuse of, “It’s just not gonna happen today.” I put Clara in her crib and just sat down in our nursing chair & watched her because, frankly, I had just plain run out of ideas better than counting the minutes until Jim came home.

However, Clara was cracking me up because she was so intensely trying to eat the railings of her crib! Her mouth opened like a boa as she tried to overtake several of the crib slats at once. Her tongue tried to wrap around the railing like a giraffe. She drooled buckets onto the crib mattress and left a slow trail of slime like some snail. (a cute one though, like the kitschy figurines people collect...) I took a bunch of pictures of her doing this – all of which are the most unflattering, most feral looking pictures I have ever seen of her. She seriously looked like a freak-show wild child kept in the cage of her crib. I was laughing at her, taking pictures, totally oblivious to the fact that she had also been fussy, pulling her ear and excessively drooling… DUH! She’s teething! But the thought didn’t occur to me.

Later that week, after “The great power outage of ought-six” as we were all huddled together around our gas stove and for some reason I put my hand in Clara’s mouth to gum, since she was gumming everything else, and I felt THE TOOTH! I looked at her and all the teething signs she had given me raced through my head. She was teething! Oh no! I looked at her smiling, drooley face and I looked down at my boobs, which were shriveling up in my bra, dreading the approaching feeding with A TOOTH! I could feel them trying to concave in an effort to get away from THE TOOTHINATOR. It seemed like only a few seconds later that the scary baby-tooth-monster showed signs that she was hungry…TO NURSE. I put it off a little at first saying, “maybe she’s tired…maybe she needs to be held…maybe she wants to play”, but when I could no longer put it off. I trudged to the nursery with my snaggle-toothed tiger baby, readying to have both my nipples lopped off like tiny Marie Antoinettes. I had seen other mommies getting bit by their babies and my sister gave me a testimony to how painful it was. Both my sister and I didn’t get teeth until 10 months old and Anna’s baby, Ava was 10 months old when she got her first teeth, so I was absolutely positive that I had more time until I had to worry about teething. I had been counting on more time to have un-punctured nipples. More time to enjoy and not dread nursing. More time to relax and fall slightly asleep while nursing Clara at three in the morning, instead of staring at her in the night with an intense look in my eyes – not unlike Christopher Walkin as “The Trivial Psychic” for SNL – my adrenaline waiting in the wings, ready to course in my blood from THE BITE. I opened the door to the nursery and assumed the position. Clara latched on. The adrenaline stopped and started in me with every intake of milk and I waited to feel the tooth, but I never did. Clara simply nursed, finished and then looked up at me with the sweet serenity reserved for God’s favorite angels. (after, she also burped in my face as a thank you for the nice milk.) Puncture wound successfully averted.

I did get bitten eventually – later that week as a matter of fact. Clara was doing a good job of nursing with THE TOOTH, but one time it got in the way so she bit me a little. I pointed at her and said “No!” urgently, then “Not OK!” I didn’t yell, but I was firm with her and ‘closed up shop’ immediately. I had to turn my face away so she couldn’t see that I was laughing – the laughter of relief and happiness that under all that TOOTH – all the fear and trepidation that I had put between us, she was still just my little Clara – nothing to be afraid of at all.

The Shaman’s Predictions

2006-12-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

At one of my doctor’s appointments when I was pregnant I asked my doctor, “Is it normal to do sort of crazy things when you’re pregnant?” The OB/GYN said, “Well…what kind of crazy things?” I sheepishly looked at Jim, who was frowning and said “Like visiting a Shaman?” The doctor said, “I’m not gonna touch that one with a 10-foot pole!”
Last December, Jim and I were Christmas shopping and I was an hour late meeting him at the store. When I told him that I was late because I had visited a Shaman, he was shocked and a little peeved. He said that he was seriously worried about my mental health because - as he put it – ‘people like that take advantage of people like me’. Here is my side of the story: I was just going to pop by a consignment store to look for some maternity clothes in order to save money (see how good I am?) before I met Jim to buy Christmas presents. However, the consignment store was right next to one of those alternative bookstores with feminist stuff (which I was interested in) and occult stuff (why are those things always together?) and special candles, etc. As I was browsing through magical stones that would make me write better, I saw a woman alone at a little table in the corner with some stones in front of her. I was curious about it because my parents always frowned on that sort of thing so I had never gotten my fortune told before. When I asked her what her stones were for she said that she laid them out so people could choose a few and that told her patterns and meanings in their lives. I was immediately interested because I had a rock collection at home and always liked rocks, so I asked her, “how long does this take?” it took half an hour. I could spare that! I asked her, “How much is it?” it was fifteen dollars. I could spare that too! “Do you take a check?” She did!! So I sat down and picked through the interesting rocks in her collection. Here is what she told me based on the rocks I chose:
My baby would be very special – not only to me, but to this world
My mother will be very important to me and give me special help when the baby is born
My baby will bring out a protectiveness in me that I have never know.
Why I didn’t ask if it would be a boy or girl, since I didn’t know yet? First of all, I didn’t think of it at the time, but also I felt it would be too creepy to have her say things like, “At 9:00 on December 20th, you will trip on your right foot” or other specifics that might “come true”, so I didn’t ask any specific questions. Everyone laughed when I told them about this last year because the Shaman’s “observations” seemed so obvious, but I figured that it was worth 15 dollars to satiate my curiosity – even if it did make me an hour late meeting Jim with a crazy-lady excuse (which shouldn’t be anything new to him, but it always seems to be…)
The interesting thing is that the Shaman’s predictions actually did come true in ways that I wouldn’t have expected. I recently thought about my visit to the Shaman last year in light of the ways that I have changed since Clara was born.
First, I find that I’m in a constant battle against my own over-protectiveness of Clara. I don’t want to let her out of my sight for a minute and I turn into Mama Bear whenever the slightest thing happens – Recently she did a face-plant from Jim’s lap (he was sitting on the floor) to the ground and I had raced across the room and had picked her up before Jim even had a chance to process what had happened. Then I scurried her out of the room – away from him! I kept telling him Jim that I wasn’t trying to take her away from him, but we both didn’t believe me. I would never do that consciously, but Mama Bear took over and even though it was such a minor fall (less the loud wailing of Clara), that could have happened to anyone (ie: me) I still went into “Stuff her back in the womb where it’s safe!” mode. I never thought I’d be that way!
When the Shaman told me her second prediction, that my mother would be indispensable to me after the baby was born and an especially major source of help to me, I thought for sure I had caught her in making false generalities. One would expect this to happen in a super-traditional family where the daughter lives right down the street, but my mother lives hundreds of miles away in LA and I felt she was…well, extremely whimsical. She is always a great source of help for to me to talk to and sort my life out with, but some of the interesting warnings that she brought me up on Jim is still trying to undo (like that dandelions will kill you if you get the milk on your hands…or that a deer can gore you to death with it’s hooves if you get too close). However, after Clara was born Mom came up for a month to help with her. She took so many night shifts with Clara so that I could sleep. She was a person I could trust not to be judgmental when I went off on my post-partumish ‘crazy talk’, not to mention that she was also there in the hospital with my husband and my best friend during my 18-hour labor (thank God for epidurals!) She was one of the biggest reasons that I survived the first month of Clara’s life! (besides my Husband of course – Jim typed in right here, “my husband was just chopped liver”, which I read just now –I am the luckiest wife in the world, so don’t get me wrong – back to my point though…) Mom’s selfless giving by putting her life on hold and fly up here twice to help out an ungrateful daughter that refers to her as “extremely whimsical” is a lesson that I can definitely learn a few things from. I never knew just how helpful she would be. The Shaman was right again!
The third prediction was that Clara would be very special – not just to me but to the world. I believe this to be true as well, but of course I am biased. However, I believe that time will prove this prediction’s credibility. She is already a character with an individualist’s personality, big blue eyes and a crazy widow’s peak. She will be able to do and be anything she wants to in this world and she is lucky to have such great family and friends to help her.
Yesterday, I visited that consignment store again to look for an exersaucer and a Christmas dress for Clara. It was almost exactly one year since I had my Shaman experience. I thought I’d peek in that bookstore next door to see if the Shaman was still there and show her my Clara. However, when I got to the store it was completely empty and dark inside. The bookstore had gone out of business and there was nothing inside except a few dark shadowy bookcases in the back. It was like the end of the Nutcracker ballet when everyone in the magical world fades away. So mysterious! However I know that the Shaman is out there somewhere, because I joined her mailing list (don’t tell Jim! ; )

Clara's First Snow

2006-11-27T22:34:00.001-08:00

I’m sitting on the couch with my cats on the back of it, flanking each of my shoulders like two fuzzy epaulettes. Today was Clara’s first glimpse of snow. “We” – meaning Clara - woke up at 6am, which is considered sleeping in, happily babbling in her crib. I didn’t see the snow when I took her into the grownup bed to try and get a tiny bit more sleep – which didn’t happen because of this: Clara quickly repositions herself in the middle of Jim and I in a perpendicular position – what I like to call the Hanley ‘H’. It gives Clara the perfect advantage to smack me in the face with her wildly waving hand and kick daddy in the head with her wildly waving feet. After about half an hour of this, I resigned myself to starting the day because she definitely seemed awake. I took her out to the living room and let Jim sleep in a little (note: he did this for me yesterday, so all’s fair). Then, when I looked out the window I saw big fluffy flakes of snow!! I hurried back into the bedroom with Clara in my arms and said excitedly to the dormant rock in our bed, “It’s snowing, it’s snowing!” The rock neither moved nor spoke, so I shook it a little and said, “Jim, it’s snowing! Clara’s first snow!” The rock made a noise of mild, sleepy interest and promptly fell back asleep. I took Clara out to the living room myself. Our two cats were both half-sleeping on the back of the couch that sits in front of the window and were already enjoying the snow show outside. It was completely dark except for the street lights that illuminated the snowflakes falling down onto the street. I sat on the arm of the couch and propped Clara up on my knee to watch the snow falling outside. I tried explaining it to her in my way, “You see Clara, snow is like pieces of Angel that fall to the ground – or fairies – or powdered sugar!” I realized that I had to settle on one metaphor before she got to an age where she could comprehend all this. “Then, when melts, it turns to water and when you are older, you can open your mouth and eat snowflakes!” I considered the logistics of having snow as Clara’s first food. I could bundle her up and take her outside so a snowflake or two could land on her face. Then I could write in her baby book that snow was her first food – but then I thought about what kind of chemicals or polution might be in the snow...it was probably too cold out there anyway and besides, what if eating snow as her first food made her like an anorexic later because her expectations of comfort food was just plain cold water…I was definitely thinking too much again. I went back to enjoying the snow with Clara from inside our house with our cats and a cozy fire in the fireplace.

Later, I played the Nutcracker since Clara is named partly after the little girl in the ballet. The song played where the Christmas tree grows bigger and bigger and Clara becomes mouse-sized. I usually cry at that part because it reminds me of my own feelings of being small in such a big world and growing up. This Christmas though, I was a little less solipsistic – I thought about Clara growing and learning each day and trying to hold onto each moment that slips through my fingers. It’s like chewing a dessert that you know you have to swallow eventually in order to fully enjoy it. Clara is so small in this big world, but like the Clara in the Nutcracker, I hope she will be able to throw her slipper to defeat the mouse king and know when to dance with the magical prince as well as when to leave the magic in order to wake up to her real life and live it magically too. Clara is already 5 ½ months old. I cannot believe that I have such an old lady baby! The time has passed so quickly and I know that the next time I blink, she will be a year old – then 18…I don’t like to dwell on it, because it's daunting.

The one thing I've learned is that there is no way to do everything perfect – you will always run out of film or camera memory at at least one important moment, or else Daddy won’t be there during the first snow, or something else that doesn’t exactly fit our expectations of the perfect childhood that we are trying to choreograph for our children, based on what we think is important. Just go with it – take a picture in your mind that you can take out of your mental drawer later.

Clara nursed and fell asleep once we were done looking at the snow. I could have put her in her crib right after she fell asleep, but the curtains were still open and I snuggled with her a little longer in the dark looking past the two fuzz ball cats to the illuminated snow outside. I thought about how lucky I was just to be able to hold this little girl and knew that she was happy – because when it really comes down to it, milk and a snuggle trumps “Perfect First Snow Moment” any day

A Little Bit About My Mommy Credentials

2006-11-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

Being a Mommy seems to be the most important job that you can never fully "ramp up" for. I swear, I took every class available - Infant/Toddler first aid/CPR, Carseat Safety, Postpartum class, Labor & Birth prep, Caring for your newborn and a few others that I can't even remember. I read every book that I could get my hands on. I poured over parenting and parents magazine as well as some other peripheral parenting mags. Yet, when I had my baby, I still felt like a teen mom (I'm 33) and had to think, "Am I really supposed to burp her every time after she eats??"
I had always expected to have a baby, but I kept waiting until I was "ready". I wanted my marriage, my psyche and my life to be ready. Then I turned 32 and thought, "um... When is this going to happen exactly?" Supposedly when you wait to have a baby it's because you want to have reached a good point in your career (I was doing "contract work" at Microsoft - basically a temp) and your finances (we're by no means wealthy and out house is 900 square feet) and maturity (I still believe in Santa Clause and am easily distracted by shiny objects). I realized at some point that I'll never reach that point that I waited for. My husband and I decided together that it was time to just do it (no pun intended).
9-ish months later, Clara was born and once I got over feeling postpartum-ish, I felt in awe that I was allowed to take care of and cultivate this little personality. I am scared daily that this priviledge will be taken away from me. Some days I feel like a supermom (once I caught Clara's spitup right as it happened - in front of Jim!) and other days I feel like a lame babysitter (when are the real parents coming home so I can get back to focusing on myself??)
My parents were interesting role models - I may not have learned a lot of concrete lessons like they teach on the best TV sitcoms (I watched a lot of those as a latchkey kid), but I did learn a lot about total dedication, loving someone, extreme whimsey and they also set me up for success in entertaining a baby - how to say "Agabluna" over and over in a way that will evoke giggles all afternoon. Anyhoo, those are my credentials for this job of Mommy. They aren't much, but the interview was kinda hazy...

Welcome to Ruth's Mommy Brain!

2006-11-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Mommybrain is a collection of essays from a first-time mommy who worries and thinks too much. I wanted a place to post my thoughts so that I can still validate that I have some. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope that what I have to say proves at least mildly interesting and amusing as I stumble through motherhood and encounter the pratfalls of poop and spitup as well as motherhood highs like finally getting that booger out of little Clara's nose after half an hour of stabbing a long-nosed sucker-type instrument around her thrashing head. Seriously - this is 2006 - can't we be a little more technologically advanced about baby booger retrival??